Meditation? I am realizing that word doesn’t work for me. The meaning it has for me is the boring inner warfare when I am trying to experience Source. It is a hopeless experience. What I really want is the experience of revelation, the experience of dropping into communion with Source.
It is not something I do. It is an undoing. The times it has happened in life, have often been in the midst of activity, quite unexpectedly, never when I was ‘sitting’, another word I have heard for referring to meditation.
I am so grateful for the gift I received this morning. Actually it began a couple of mornings ago, with the realization I had or was it a revelation?
I was able to see, as Jesus says in the Bible, God sends the sun to shine and the rain to rain on both just and unjust. God is always giving. That is the nature of Source. That is the nature of Love. But God, as Love, so respects our free will, beyond the general universal giving of Creation, God awaits our invitation to pour onto us, the fullness of the incomprehensible intense Love that is offered in each moment directly inside each of us.
That invitation is not a doing, it is a choice. As Jesus also said we cannot serve two masters. In each moment, I make a choice as to who I am willing to serve. The two masters are: my little false identity self and God.
Much of the time, I am not even aware of my ungoing choice to pretty much serve the little me. But in the morning upon awakening that is when I am likely to try to connect with God. That is when I become aware of the shifting.
This morning I was able to watch it rather intently. It is amazingly fluid the shift that was happening inside me, nanosecond to nanosecond from one master to the other. It was subtle. An attitude of serving, as I conceive of it, shifting to just allowing God, as IS. It could be described as the shift from doing to undoing. The shift from being present to me to getting out of the way. The shift from trying to be (whatever) to just relaxing into What is just there already.
Over the years so often in various spiritual contexts, I’ve heard the word ‘surrender’ or the phrase ‘letting go’. Somehow I always made those into a ‘doing.’ Now I just prefer the word, ’relax.’ It is the undoing that creates the openness to What is there already: the experience of God’s love sustaining my Soul right now and always; of God’s complete awareness of the Real me, creating my awareness in each moment and allowing me the total freedom to place that awareness wherever I choose.
These words hardly give any sense of the experience that occurs when the opening is allowed, relaxed into, words like peace, stillness, a gentle dynamic, sweetness, bliss, silence, no time, no mind, vast space, eternity. These words cannot convey the dimension that occurs. In those moments the ‘me’ is gone, replaced by the Indescribable.