I dropped into the deep Silence of Communion this morning. For several hours on and off, I observed my ‘trying to be there’ just be in the way. So agonizing. Then suddenly It was there, Peace, Sweet relaxation, Stillness that satiates the Soul. After the Sweetness of Silence and Peace, separation has very little traction. True contemplation became possible.
The following realization came: my self-criticism is an ego created lie. True perfection is not the minds version of perfection. The mind’s version of perfection, involves correcting the lies it creates about me. In this way the ego-mind plays both sides of its agenda against each other, keeping me in angst and division.
The perfect reality of me, just Is what God created. As this realization settled in, it was visceral, not conceptual. Like when someone once asked Byron Katie if she was enlightened and she replied, “I don’t know anything about that. I just know what hurts and what doesn’t.”
My Soul wants union with God. It hurts when the ego-mind runs my life. That hurt is palpable at times. There is a sense of lack, as the painful investment in attempting to get things my way is in the forefront. When I choose God, truly choose God in a given moment, there is peace, no doubt, no fear, no strategy. I act almost from a place of innocence, a place of gentle knowing, a calm fluidity.
So much of the time, instead I invest in changing who I am, what I get done, and editing the world around me, strategizing to get ‘my’ way, to accomplish my agenda.
I was in Lowe’s store today with Peter, buying some 1 x 2 to make cradle boards, as a foundation for oil painting. I was able to watch myself begin to shift into the opinionated place of ego, but found the grace to shift out, into the peace and freedom of Soul. So subtle, so interior, so sweet. Such moments are simple SO REWARDING!
To witness Creation all around as the mystery of Oneness and Beauty is humbling in a way that is so freeing and peaceful.
A few weeks ago I discovered A Course in Miracles, Original Edition Text which I am finding quite profound. I had explore the more edited version of The Course, that is more commonly in use, several years ago and found it good but not of lasting value.
Yesterday I was reading from Chapter Two: The Illusion of Separation in A Course of Miracles: Original Edition Text; Pocket Edition. It says, “The Soul has not only been fully created but has also been created perfect. There is no emptiness in it…..No Child of God can lose this ability because it is inherent in what he is, but he can use it inappropriately.”
It goes on to explain that when we ‘project out’ or create from our Mind instead of from our Soul, we create the illusion of emptiness or lack and then we fill that apparent lack with our own ideas in place of Truth.
It points out several core assumptions and beliefs that follow on this inappropriate use of our creativity:
- “First, the assumption is implicit that what God created can be changed by the mind of man.
- Second, the concept that what is perfect can be rendered imperfect or wanting is accepted.
- Third, the belief that man can distort the creation God, including himself, is accepted.
- Fourth, the idea that since man can create himself, the direction of his own creation is up to him is implied.
None of this existed before (the fall or separation), nor does it actually exist now.”
There is SO MUCH there. Such a wonderful jumping off point for true contemplation.
I am planning to do The Course in 2014. It is one of my resolutions. If you are not familiar, The Course is a year- long Study with 365 daily lessons, each quite brief, but food for focus and contemplation in moments throughout the day, and a supplemental text, which I am reading now. The 365 lessons are found in the Workbook for Students and the Manual for Teachers. People who are doing it, are encouraged to also meet in a study group.
I would love to host a study group on A Course in Miracles in the new year, if a number of you are interested in coming together, a couple of Saturday afternoons a month at my place, or maybe even on skype. This link to the Wikipedia page on the scribe, Helen Schucman, provides more information about the origin of A Course in Miracles.
Let me know if you would be interested in coming together to ‘study’ The Course with me.