This morning for some reason, I woke up exhausted! I sat on the edge of my bed feeling immovable, with no energy.
I lay back down again. Instead of attending to the lack of energy, I simply focused on Consciousness itself. Almost immediately I felt an infusion of peace, an expansiveness that was without boundaries, like a deep nourishment. It was so sweet and fulfilling to just lie there and notice the ability to ‘notice.’
Is this what people mean by ‘meditation?’ I was once taught that meditation was experiences like inner light, inner sound, inner taste, and the ability to shift your attention from the thinking of the mind to observing the breath, to be ‘mindful’ of the mind. I was never able to do any of those, for more than a nano second at most and only rarely that much. I always felt like a meditation failure. So I don’t know about any of that.
But I have become very curious about this Consciousness that I acceess by simply attending to where the quality of consciousness resides. I would add ‘inside me’ but that really doesn’t seem to be quite where it is. ‘Me’ seems superfluous to it. Perhaps it is more correct to describe it as attending to the existence of Consciousness. It is completely non-conceptual, so it cannot really be described. Even the word ‘it’ doesn’t feel right. It isn’t quite an experience either. It just is. It just exists.
It feels like a portal to what I have wanted for a long time. A portal to peace.